Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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