Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
