You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
