He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
