Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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