How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
