Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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