i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
