The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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