the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
