maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
