My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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