fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
