I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
