Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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