We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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