it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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