Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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