I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This couple is walking their pig around campus
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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