So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my sisters under your porch take her home
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
