I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
