I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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