I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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