Got a toothbrush?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
