But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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