Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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