Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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