bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
