I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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