saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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