I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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