Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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