Having a random hookup so left but love u
you traded sex for a burrito?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You were trust falling into bushes
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
