Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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