So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
