Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
