YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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