I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
