That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
