All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
