I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
