Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
