my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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