Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I need a beard to bite.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
