Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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