So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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