I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
