he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
