Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
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She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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