So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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