Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
