all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Enjoy the penises
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
