Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
