Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
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the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
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I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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