You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
