She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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