He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
