You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
