if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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