wanna go halves on a baby?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
