Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
