He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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