Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
