The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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