the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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