yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
