Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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