I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
