I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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