Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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