Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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