im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Less talking, more tequila
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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