she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
