Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
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and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
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did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
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