I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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