I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
