Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
