Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My vagina is officially offended.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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