It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
