Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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