Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
