Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
