I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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